Now that his missus had run off the Old Mate had finally the time to finish putting a new V8 in his 4WD and was heading off to the outback pub down the highway for a celebratory drink or two. Now the Old Mate was in a sort of hurry as you are on a hot day when the bush flies are having a family reunion. Anyway the Old Mate has more fears than dangers and he constantly suffers from imagining a range of pub calamities which is a more common condition than you would think. For instance, as he gets closer to the pub he begins to fear that the pub has run out of VB and he’ll have to drink XXXX, or West End or even Emu Bitter and so he drives just a little bit faster… for an explanation for non-Aussie readers see the end of this post… as his imagination takes hold he visualises that the pub has totally run out of beer and goes even faster. In extreme cases a severe nightmare-like brain paroxysm occurs and he believes that the pub has burnt down and so by this time the Old Mate is going at an overly generous speed… and we won’t mention that the 4WD possibly hadn’t been registered for a year or two and the front number plate is missing and he hadn't got around to reconnecting the speedometer a few other things… so he didn’t actually know how fast he was going anyway.
Back a while ago the Old Mate could drive down the highway as fast as he could until a bunch of tree-hugging, social-engineering, loony-left pinko’s got into power and lowered the speed limit to 130 kph. Anyway, anyway, that’s got nothing to do with what happened to the Old Mate except he wouldn’t have been speeding had those lame-brained bolshies… not got into power.
The Constable was hiding behind a particularly dense patch of salt-bush, or was it mulga, and took off after the Old Mate. Now the Old Mate’s dog saw the Constable and started barking and the Old Mate shouted at the dog and then saw the Constable and put his foot down (The Old Mate that is) and gave the new V8 heaps… all those Japanese horses under the bonnet were no match for the Aussie horses under the bonnet of the police car and eventually the Old Mate had to stop.
“Excuse me sir, you realise that trying to outrun a police car is a serious offence?”
The Old Mate looked at the Constable… “Well,” the Old Mate replied, “you’re not going to believe this but the Missus ran off with a cop a month ago and I thought you were chasing me to hand her back!”
Explanation of Australian Beer Names:
VB is short for Victorian Bitter which is the beer blokes and Old Mates drink; XXXX or “Four X” is a Queensland beer so named because Queen-slander’s can’t spell beer; West End sadly hasn’t ended but should and Emu Bitter just can’t be described adequately using the Queen’s English.