The Carbon Tax has ruined the old mate’s plans. Now that global warning has been stopped in its tracks and a rising sea level is no longer a possibility the old mate is going to miss out on his long held ambition of seeing penguins not to mention going surfing before breakfast.
This winter has been as cold or colder than a well diggers arse on the Klondike. Gale force winds blowing straight off the Antarctic have been blowing the feathers off the old mate’s roosters. This apparently is a result of global warming… but no longer… global warming has been vanquished, defeated and eradicated thanks to an universal and all embracing Carbon Tax.
Anyway, anyway, anyway, the old mate had been taking global warming so seriously that he had been preparing for the inevitable rise in the sea level. Secretly he’d actually been quite looking forward to it. After all it’s an ill wind that doesn’t blow some good. The sea only had to rise a couple of hundred feet and each morning instead of having to stroll down the hill the few hundred yards to the beach to go for a swim, he’d be able to have a dip from his back yard. His shed could become a boatshed. He intended to attach a diving board to the back of the shed so with a few gazelle like bounces he’d be able to spring into the air and belly flop into the briny…. three nines and a ten!
And another thing, prior to the defeat of global warming he’d planned on days spent relaxing on his back veranda, that he’s half started already but not got around to finishing, so that he could have had an uninterrupted view on the West Antarctic Ice Shelf as it drifted north on it’s way to Alice Springs. The old mate has been so excited as he has never seen an iceberg or a penguin. So his expectation of seeing hordes of Emperor Penguins taking a ride on a vast iceberg as it melts it’s way northwards would have been the icing on the cake… and one more tick on his bird list.
You can’t blame those male Emperor Penguins from wanting the globe to warm anyway. No penguin in his right mind is going to want to stand around shivering uncontrollably all winter, battered by one blizzard after another, while at the same time trying to balance an egg on his feet. While this form of male parenting is going on their wives, partners, girl friends, or whatever penguins call their spouses, are away having coffee, or whatever penguins drink, and gallivanting about the place for months on end leaving the old man colder than a well digger’s arse on the Klondike... or have I said that already. Sadly, for Emperor Penguins, the anticipation that those blokes would be able to sprawl about eating prawns while basking in the warmth of an Australian summer is now gone forever!
And another thing… the people of Kangaroo Island will be rejoicing that their island is now no longer threatened with sinking forever into the Southern Ocean even if the old mate is secretly a little disappointed. Turning Kangaroo Island into a mere blip on the depth finder would have allowed the Southern Ocean swells to surge up the Gulf St Vincent and turn his beach into a fantastic surfing mecca…